You Give and Take Away

Sorry but no pregnancy updates tonight. I have a lot on my mind tonight as today marked the one year "anniversary" of losing the baby last year. It was a weird day kinda. It wasn't something that consumed me but it was something I thought about. Life is one roller coaster of a ride, isn't it. My day was spent driving back from the most wonderful trip to Little Rock (I do wish the good man could have gone though. He was the only thing missing. Well...and Rooster.) Yesterday, was our first baby shower and my heart is overflowing. I never really used to understand that phrase but I think I get it now. We were showered with love and gifts and hugs and well wishes and I am so very thankful that life goes on. I had random thoughts throughout the weekend like, "This time last year I got "the call" from the doctor" or "Today we had that ultrasound...just to make sure" or "I was checking into the hospital right now." It was almost insanely ironic as I was surrounded by my family and we discussed and loved all over our little 30 week happy, healthy, wiggly, Baby Borin inside my belly. 

Throughout the whole thing last year I leaned onto the song, Blessed Be Your Name. I didn't understand. I was hurt and confused and numb to a lot of things but I tried to sing that song though it all. Eventually I almost got to where I couldn't even listen to it anymore because of all the memories that flooded back. The good man said it best a few months ago that the song almost seems like an old friend now. Today, as I was driving back it was pouring down rain and the sky was black and I was thinking that this was about the time last year that we were finishing up at the hospital. I turned up the radio just in time to hear the beginning of the song. I'm not kidding when I tell you that the rain stopped. The sky cleared and I was through the storm...seriously. It just stopped. I had made it through. The song is still painful...but so comforting. I looked in my rearview at this black storm and then through my windshield at this sunny road ahead and it was quite a moment for me. It is such a metaphor of this past year and a great reminder that God is there. As I felt this little guy jabbing in my ribs (OUCH!) I couldn't help but realize that my life seems to have come full circle. I am so blessed with a husband who loves me, a little boy on the way, family and friends who care about me and a God who was right there-even when I didn't realize it right away. 

I will try to post some pictures from the shower soon. :)